those were the words i kept of yours. in my little red book of thoughts and prose, your note inside where you left it last year; your simple, stupid chicken-scratch surrounded by pictures of clouds and hearts and pokemon and lightening bolts.
and we were oh, so in love.
and you were oh, so irresistible to me.
and you told me your oh, so dark secrets.
and you lied.
with your oh, so soft lips.
and i?
was in oh, so deep.
and you were oh, so irresistible to me.
and you told me your oh, so dark secrets.
and you lied.
with your oh, so soft lips.
and i?
was in oh, so deep.
i don't know what i've been thinking of you lately. maybe it's all the cold air, and all of the overcast skies and the snow and you know i think too much when it's quiet outside. but still, what you did to me was awful, disgusting. i didn't deserve what you put me through. but still, i suppose i wasn't too sweet either, always letting you think i was okay and trying so hard to love you when i knew i never could.
we were both born dirty liars, you know.
but please know, i'm sorry for the things i said to you. i think you really aren't that bad a guy, beneath all of your problems. i just hope for you that you've been working on those... did you hear i fixed mine? let's have this line of communication open again, sweetheart. i want to hear how your days flow and how your nights are spent. alone? alone.
(i say that, but i really don't
mean it... i actually do want
you to be okay. why do i like
the way resentment sounds
when i talk about you? god.)
mean it... i actually do want
you to be okay. why do i like
the way resentment sounds
when i talk about you? god.)
and what to do with your note? i love keldy. forever.
i don't think so.
thank god.
should i rip it out, and burn it up? watch the ashes float around in the snowy air. blend in with the clouds and wind, poison up my lungs and the atmosphere and rid the world of one more deadly promise. maybe tear it out and take a bite. yeah. eat it up. molars and canines shred it to pieces and froth at the mouth and engulfed in fury and swallow it down, down, down into the pit of my stomach. acid will corrode the paper, and it will never be seen again. (almost!) or, i could leave it in there. i could leave it in my little book of notes. thumbing through, i could stumble upon it every now and then, and remember you. remind myself you are real, and that we really did have something going once. keep it together, as a red flag, as a warning, as a reminder.
keep it my familiar, comfortable sting.
to remind myself. to remember what i wasted.
because most of the time, i completely forget to remember anything about you.
i don't think so.
thank god.
should i rip it out, and burn it up? watch the ashes float around in the snowy air. blend in with the clouds and wind, poison up my lungs and the atmosphere and rid the world of one more deadly promise. maybe tear it out and take a bite. yeah. eat it up. molars and canines shred it to pieces and froth at the mouth and engulfed in fury and swallow it down, down, down into the pit of my stomach. acid will corrode the paper, and it will never be seen again. (almost!) or, i could leave it in there. i could leave it in my little book of notes. thumbing through, i could stumble upon it every now and then, and remember you. remind myself you are real, and that we really did have something going once. keep it together, as a red flag, as a warning, as a reminder.
keep it my familiar, comfortable sting.
to remind myself. to remember what i wasted.
because most of the time, i completely forget to remember anything about you.
(p.s. get rid of your nasty unibrow,
you stinky, mossy-toothed fuck.)
(p.p.s. i'm sorry i said that.)
you stinky, mossy-toothed fuck.)
(p.p.s. i'm sorry i said that.)
