last night i had this dream. i was lying in my bed and i could feel the earth shaking and my floor falling away from me, downward downward downward it cracked and crested and crumbled away into a fiery pith. hard cement and stained carpet tumbling and combusting and exploding into rubble and spewed firecrackers, fireworks into a darker darker center, otherworldly. ungodly.
hell reached up for me through my floorboards.
moaning and screaming and shrieking rung in my ears and i hugged my pillow tight and wanted to stomp out the widening hole in the floor of my room. MY ROOM. my space. but these clawed and hooked and crooked fingers started reaching up through the gaping maw, and they were reaching for me. my sheets were stinking heavy with the smell of rot and acid sulfur. i couldn't stop shaking and tears were streaming down my face, starting to melt away from the heat and disgust in front of me. i wanted to hide and cover myself in blankets, but they were crawling with maggots and covered with all this shit i didn't want near me. but my face was melting away. my cheeks were puddling on my chest and my eyes were jellied and my lips washed away from my teeth as i screamed and cried and swore i wasn't ready for this and i thought i was a good person my whole life other than the drugs and the whoring god god god. GOD. please why's this happening? god save me. god save me.
and someone stood beside my bed and he was tall and he was gray and he didn't belong anywhere near where i lived and he grabbed me under my skeleton arms and picked me up and looked through me in my empty eye sockets and hissed, "you are an abomination. come home now."
this is where you belong.
so basically he threw me in the hole and i burned in the fiery grace of damnation and "fuck-you"s. where trollops and homosexuals and junkies go to learn a thing or two. the hole closed behind me and no one ever knew the wiser. i just disappeared. my family would be eating their morning cheerios while i was chained up and breaking stones in the fifth circle of purgatory.
i think if justin long had been there as my boyfriend, it would have been a little bit more fun.
right?
