and i will.

your ability to heal comes
from knowing that 
you will 
heal.

my zooey.

i see myself as beer kisses. my hands smell like strawberry, my chest smells like light blue cedar. my lips always taste like smoke and my tongue feels like vanilla and chocolate and cherries. once i told her i had a bell tied into my hair, and she said "that's beautiful." and i have this saviour syndrome.

how can i be stagnant? how can i be still to you? i feel like i'm always moving or changing or something. floating around. but i never really know. the times i try to define myself i grasp so tightly to an idea that it simply turns to steam and floats up through the cracks between my fingers. but i know that you can't see me either. we lost our feeling of friendship with lego blocks and barbie dolls.

that bell in my hair...
     they cut it out of me.

you drift away like peppered smoke.
but i guess that's okay, now.

two hours.

I took your pictures down today, after I saw you put your new ones on your wall. I guess I’m something strange, and maybe I’m too much for you. My hair grew long. She cut hers short… I know I shouldn’t worry. But I do.

You say these things to calm my nerves... "I'll always be by your side."
          Then tell me: why am I sitting on the bed alone?
                    "I'll never leave you."
                              And that was just a blatant lie.

I already feel forgotten.

And I’m sorry for that.


But, I will be okay. And I do love you.
Behave yourself while you're away.






(but maybe i'll be the one that leaves, this time)