littoral minutes.

i wish i could say that was the moment i knew i would do anything for her.
     the moment i knew i loved her.


but it wasn't.
that's just the thing with her. there are no "aha!" moments. nothing world breaking. it's just like a steady incline. like water rising. fluid, swelling thoughts of "my god... my god...

how could anyone ever be so beautiful?"

i'm still too scared.

i once loved a man with black circles around his eyes. blue eyes. like ice floating on unfrozen white water. the sort that tends to bend light and warps it into spheres and glares and fuzzy specks of dust. his fingers were sooty, his nose would bleed. but the things he said were beautiful when he found the strength or motive to move his lips. he always forgot to wash his clothes. i was told i was condemning myself to loving a dead man. i was told that no one should live for the buried.
he's just sick.
he's just sick.

but only i was sick for loving him.

stupid.

because you're special to me.
and not special as in ""special""-special.
     nothing like... a disorder. or being slow.
special as in you are the only person i want to trust.
everything in my heart.
everything in my head.
special as in i want to tell you everything,
     even though i'm terrified of you.

i hate you and your brain, dr. phil.

defining moments
10. 'skinny love'
9. christmas with ky
8. nights at the mary's
7. favourite park
6. heroin & my wrists
5. adderall & mountains
4. felonies & fear
3. rehab
2. shay
1. sarah

critical choices
7. leaving ky
6. kissing brooklyn
5. dropping out
4. calling from jail
3. coming clean
2. happiness & marlboro's
1. letting go of anger


pivitol people
5. kylar weisman
4. grey otis
3. derek zabriskie
2. shay bender
1. sarah prestidge

mynameistrinity.

the fluttering of delicate wings, like a bird caged in my head. throwing itself against bone time and time again, fighting to return to the world. a small ticking inside of mind. there's a silent tapping on my heart. it's there, in her yellow eyes. it's in the softest shades of cherry blossom pink. sun freckling on the ridges of my shoulders. electronic popping of eighth grade headphones shocking my ears. your soft hands, my back pocket.

strawberry palms. smoked cedar scent.

i'll tell you everything about being free.

when skies are grey.

for 30 days and for 30 nights.
charismatic criminal i am,
hoards of lost souls and newly born bruisers
knew my title, knew my identity:
they all called me
     SUNSHINE.