2010

after a while, you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand & chaining a soul.
& you learn that love doesn't mean security.
& you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts.
& presents aren't promises.

& you begin to accept your defeats with your head up & your eyes open
with the grace of maturity, not the grief of a child.
& you learn to build all your roads on
today, because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
& futures have a way of falling down mid-flight.

after a while, you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
so you plant your own garden & decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers.

& you learn that you really can endure...
     that you really are strong.
& that you really do have worth.

& you learn, & you learn, & you learn...
with every goodbye you learn.

plug.

melancholy words & lists. sentences too short to be written in books. hiding behind screens, lurking in the corner darkness in offices & cubicles & lying stomach down on top of dorm room floors, heat-dish warmed rugs--the people who will rate with a thumbs up or absolute silence. and in the absence of approval, we will assume a cable has been kicked loose.

trooper.

it was a good question to have, i thought.
i wanted to know what to do to get her back.
what i had to accomplish, what i had to show for myself,
to be able to hold her in my arms, and call her mine again.

you looked me in the eyes.
and, taking mental inventory of all i had to offer:
the days we spent together,
the time i waited for you,
the love i gave you freely,
and the forgiveness.
and the regret i never claimed.
the corruption i set upon myself.
you looked me in the eyes,
and you turned me away.

you had decided i was not worth the effort anymore.
what i had was not enough.
things had become too complicated.



maybe all i have to accomplish,
is getting over you.