i was given this beautiful little ash tray today. it's a sort of foamy blue colour and has tiny speckles on it. it reminds me of a robin's egg. there are three notches around the lip to lay my cigarettes in. and there are yellow blossoms painted in the base of the bowl. i love this ash tray. i really do. i want to have a new home to parade it in. i want to have a home that is mine. but right now, my room doesn't even smell like me.
i feel kind of sick.
i will lay in bed.
i will read something beautiful.
i will try to breathe in
through my cracking, alligator lips.
i will lay in bed.
i will read something beautiful.
i will try to breathe in
through my cracking, alligator lips.
why is it so hard for me to ask for help.
why can i even think
i can act the way
i am acting and
still, someone
will want to
see me and
make me
smile.